When You Think of Churchy, You Think of Me…Right?

Oh good grief you guys. What did I just sign up for? Well, to be clear, I haven’t signed up…quite…yet. But I did express interest. FREAK OUT NOW. Read on to find out what I’m talking about…

The bonus of doing this writing challenge (NaBloPoMo) is that you may get to hear about the shenanigans and hot messes of my daily life. How could this NOT be a bonus? (fine print: this is definitely not a bonus). Well, wait. Let’s clarify bonus. When I say ‘bonus’, I don’t mean that I provide meaningful, poignant, enriching material, daily. I mean that I provide make fun of me, laugh at me, point and cover your mouth, hot mess kind of material, daily. I also think, my job is to sometimes make you feel better about yourself. You’re welcome.

So anyhoo, let’s get into this silly life of mine. If you’ve been following the blog recently, you know that not so long ago, I wrote a post about this spiritual journey I’ve been on and how I am learning to claim my faith as my own. This post was really just a small piece in a much bigger story of the introspective work I’ve been doing about my faith over the last year or so. Part of that journey has been my exploration on whether or not I was going to sign the kid up for Confirmation. For. a. year. I’ve been thinking about this. And  yes, likely OVERTHINKING this. Here was my quandary. If I signed him up, I really wanted it to be because we felt it would be a beneficial and inspiring learning experience, as well as a great place for him to meet new friends. Yet I wasn’t clear if I was considering signing him up because of all of this, or because it was what I was supposed to do. And again – if you’ve read recent posts, you also know how I’m feeling about the ‘shoulds’ (Ban the Shoulds – that’s how I’m feeling). So…back and forth I was tossing these thoughts in my head. For over a year. Because I like to overthink things. Not really. It’s more like I just can’t freaking help it.

I think I weighed every possible angle on this decision. I thought about how confirmation was for me. And candidly, I don’t recall it feeling particularly life changing. I was in it with a couple of my besties (who are still my besties, btw), but I don’t feel like it solidified my faith at all. So that didn’t help my decision making one bit. In any case, I did finally come to the decision, while Noah was at church camp, no less, that we would try this Confirmation thing out. So I signed him up.

Which leads to the ‘what did I sign up for’/FREAK OUT NOW moment. The small group that I signed him up for still has not filled the volunteer leader position. You see where this is going, right? So the program director sent out an email asking for a parent to step up and help out (most of the small group leaders are parents of a kid in the program). I ignored the first email (although a little voice said, ‘you should do this’…then a louder voice said, ‘bahahahahaaaa you are SO NOT QUALIFIED for this’). I was thinking, someone qualified and church going will step up and volunteer. 

Then earlier today, the second email came stating they still need a leader or they’ll have to cancel this group time and move the kids to another day/time. Sigh. Right away, I heard another voice say, ‘You should do this. I know you’re scared. I know you feel totally unqualified. But you can do it.’

Huh. God. He’s funny, that guy.  Talking to me like that. Is he crazy? Me? Uber sweary girl? Didn’t enroll my kid in Sunday School lady? Questioning my faith and all I learned growing up chick?

But in all seriousness. I’m actually considering it. Which is so freaking hysterical. Because YOU GUYS. I haven’t been to church on a regular basis since I was quite a bit younger. Sure, I’d go here and there. But guess what? Some years I didn’t even go on Easter and Christmas! I know. Heathen. And now I’m considering leading a group of kids in the study of God’s word? What. The. Heck. Am. I. Thinking??? Or is this all just God’s plan to save me from myself? That could be true too, you know.

After I read that second email, I just let it sit for a bit. I went on my way to the gym. Lifted a lot of weight, more than I ever have before and came home. And I couldn’t stop feeling like I was meant to do this confirmation leader thingy. Then I realized, maybe it’s just a lifters ‘high’. Maybe, because I lifted more weight than I have before, I suddenly think I can do ALL THE THINGS. Even when I’m the least qualified one for ALL THE THINGS.

But really, how hard can it be, right? One hour a week. With a leaders guide provided. I’ve got this, right? But wait, I’d have to lead the group in a closing prayer every week. And I’m pretty sure “Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub” won’t suffice. Gonna have to practice that prayer thing too I guess. Because really, how many of you pray out loud, in front of a group? I’m used to silently praying – with just me, myself and I. Well, and God of course. But suddenly, if I do accept this leader challenge – and it is that, a challenge – I will need to pray, with 5 other 12/13 year old boys, who may likely want to burp and fart their way through the prayer. Can I handle this?

So after much thinking, I reached out via email to the program director and asked about requirements, commitment, etc. Basically, I was asking, “If I do this, how can I possibly do this, without screwing it up? Because I’m not exactly the person you’d actually PICK for this role. In fact, if you asked my friends and family who should lead a small group of confirmands, I’d probably be the last person they’d pick.

So you know what I did? I actually did ask some of them! I started sending some texts…and the responses I got were hilarious! And sweet. From my Mom to my friends to my special guy.

This is what I texted my Mom:

 

 

 

 

 

Next up, Friend A. Her and I are peas in a pod. Often feeling obligated to say yes to things, always wanting to help out when needed, and we sometimes have trouble saying ‘No’. And she knows all my faults. And loves me anyway. Plus she knows Sundays for me are usually reserved for Football, Chili and Chips & Dip. Which…is why she is laughing so hard.

 

 

 

 

 

Later in the conversation, when I tell her that as corny as it sounds, I’m feeling like I may, perhaps, be being called to do this. She responds brilliantly with this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then I text Friend B. Always the smiling optimist, she responds like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then Friend C, my always got your back, but will be sarcastic friend replies with this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And lastly, my special guy. Who loves to consistently razz me, but is always supportive sends this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t I have the best people ever?! All supportive, kind and gentle souls! I couldn’t stop laughing at the hilarity of it all, really. Me. Some kind of ‘church leader’, for young, impressionable children. I’m pretty sure this is some kind of grander plan to infuse me with humility and teach me grace. But then isn’t that what faith is anyway? Belief without proof? Currently, we have absolutely no proof that I will be a good confirmation leader, but we (including my awesome people in this) seem to have faith that I could actually do this. Pull this off in some kind of miraculous fashion.

So anyhow…tomorrow, I meet with the program leader to discuss all this entails and determine if I think I can do this. I’m pretty sure if I say yes, I’ll learn waaaay more about myself, God and all this churchy stuff than the kids will. And not because I will suck at teaching (which is possible, but I think I can make up for that with my sparkling personality), but because I will likely be paying much. closer. attention – than 5 or 6 middle school boys.

Because if I do this, I’ll be doing this by choice, back to claiming my faith as my own. While most of these kids will probably be there, because their parents told them they had to be.