Sometimes, you have to say No to the rest of the world, to say Yes to yourself. As a woman, as a mother – we often give to others completely and consistently, before we give to ourselves.
This has been one of the things that has been hardest to teach myself. To at times…put myself first. It is even hard to type, ‘put myself first’. It feels self centered and focused. But the truth, as cliche as it sounds, is that in order to give to others the best that we can, we must also give to ourselves.
Probably the hardest time to do this is as a mother. As a mother, I inherently feel the need to give to my child first and foremost. Before anything else. And when I take the time for me, the first thing I feel is guilt. If I go out to dinner with friends, I start looking at my watch around 8pm, knowing this is when I am normally getting Noah ready for bed. I start to feel anxiety and guilt that I am not by his side, tucking the blankets up to his chin, giving him a kiss on the forehead and telling him I love him, ‘to the stars and back’.
The very first feeling I had after Noah was born was immense love; a love beyond measure. The second feeling was that as my role of his ultimate protector and supporter. I will go to unending lengths to protect my child. I believe this is why as a mother, it is often so hard for me to put myself first. Once my child was born, he became my ultimate priority.
What I’ve learned more recently is that by taking time for me and putting myself first, I am also putting my child first. That taking moments for me, when I most need it, makes me a better, more patient, more engaged parent. I now know this. I’m not necessarily great at putting it into practice, but I’m getting better.
It has become really important to me that I don’t lose myself, the person that I was, before I was a mother. Being a mother is an addition to the person I was before. And probably the best addition. I know that as I age – I am the sum of all of my experiences. And hopefully I’ve learned from all of them.
I know that being a mother is the best part of me. But it is not the only part of me. And it is this that I must not lose sight of. A complete me is a better me. A better mother for Noah, a better partner, daughter, and friend.
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