How I Didn’t Manage It All

I don’t know how you do it.  How do you manage it all?

I have been asked this a lot over the last couple of years, since my son was diagnosed with anxiety and suffered severe bouts of depression.  While managing through this, I was also working a full time job that required a hefty dose of travel and many 50 – 60 hour weeks.

The last two years have been the hardest of my life.  So how did I manage it all?  How did I do it?  Who the hell knows.  Truthfully, I didn’t manage it all.  Because I didn’t do it all.  There’s a lot that just…didn’t…get…done.  And I had to learn to be okay with that.  I’m still learning to be okay with that.  I don’t know a mother, if she’s being honest with herself, that doesn’t at some point, if not consistently, struggle with this same issue.

I’ve felt compelled, ever since being asked this question, to come up with a really good answer.  One that can provide inspiration to other Moms, wondering how they can possibly manage it all.  So here goes it…

How did I do it? 

Exhausted.  That’s how I did it.

With Diet Coke.  That’s how I did it.

Hungry.  That’s how I did it (some nights I just ran out of time, or forgot to eat).

With chips.

With really good TV (for Noah as a distraction, for me as an escape).

With good music (every once in a while you just have to break out an impromptu dance party – whether at home or in your car during rush hour).

With swearing.

With stress.

With fear.  That’s how I did it.

With confidence.

With insecurity.

With more chips.  And more Diet Coke.

With bitch sessions with my girlfriends.

With books.

With writing.

With cupcakes.  Duh.

With half-ass homework assignments and missed appointments (So…yeah, I may have forgotten to attend my son’s school conference once, or twice – what of it?)

With therapy.

With one foot in front of the other.  That’s how I did it.

With more Diet Coke.  Especially from McDonald’s (Yes, I hit the drive thru just for a Diet Coke).

With visits to the beach.

With low expectations.

With high expectations – based in guilt and fueled by my Type A personality.

With incomplete projects and tasks.

With crawl in a corner and cry my eyes out days.

With imperfection.

With forgiveness.

With prayer.

With love.

With. Help.

…And with HOPE.

Frankly, I was just desperately hanging on to hope.  Confident that at some point it gets better.  It must, right?  It. Just. Has. To.

The point is, I try. I try to manage it the best way I know how.  It isn’t always pretty.  It isn’t always orderly.  And it’s never perfect.  But it is always, ALWAYS done with love.

So go ahead girl, grab a Diet Coke and a cupcake, sprinkle a little love in there and see what you can do.  When you pause and look back later, you might just be surprised how well you really did, managing it all.