So yeah, that happened. I got lost in the woods the other day. On a field trip. CHAPERONING CHILDREN. Of course I did. Because that’s how I roll. There’s a reason I haven’t chaperoned much in the past. Clearly, I can’t…be…trusted.
In Noah’s seven years of schooling, I’ve rarely chaperoned a trip or volunteered at the school. Mostly because I was working full time and found it difficult to take the time off. At least that is what I told myself.
When I stopped working this last June, I was excited to have the availability to spend more time volunteering and chaperoning at Noah’s school. Especially knowing this is his last year in elementary school. Come next year – when he’s in middle school – he likely won’t want me volunteering…and to be truthful, I’m not sure I’ll want to volunteer in a school swarming with hormones and drama.
So carpe diem, right? Seize. The. Day.
First up? An all day – and I mean ALL DAY – field trip chaperoning some sixth grade classes at an environmental center. How bad could this be, right? Bad. Very bad. And I knew it. I’ll be honest, I had some trepidation. I mean, I’m not a professional here. I’m not a teacher, nor am I one of those experienced ‘room mothers’, as my mom called it. I guess that’s what they called moms who volunteered a lot, back in the day.
I’m just me. A mostly inexperienced volunteer/chaperone. I mean, come on…I’m barely making it as a parent here. I only have one child after all. And I routinely feed him mac -n- cheese or peanut butter sandwiches and let him play more Minecraft than I should. Yet…here I am, signing up to chaperone multiple classes of sixth graders. Outdoors. Where children (and adults) can get lost. In the woods. With a map. GAH!
As chaperones, we had to arrive at the school 20 minutes prior to departure time to get our names tags, directions and such. As I stood there in the group of parents, I noticed they were all clumped in little groups chatting away with one another, because they’ve done this before. They know each other. Then there’s me. Sad little newbie parent. Off to the side, feeling a little anxious and alone. And that is when it happened. One of those Oprah A-HA moments! Those moments where it all comes together suddenly, the truth that you’ve been denying or just couldn’t see all along.
I didn’t avoid signing up for the chaperoning and volunteering in the past because I worked. I avoided it because I was scared. Scared of the professional parents who knew what they’re doing. Intimidated because they knew how to sign in on the volunteer computer. They knew all the teachers in the school, knew where to meet, what to do, how to behave, etc. They were the cool kids. And I was not.
So here I was, newbie parent, the one who’s ‘too busy to volunteer’. Just like a new girl, starting a new school in the middle of the year. A little nervous and unsure of where to go; just hoping someone will accept me and let me sit at their lunch table. Except I also have responsibility. For children. Other people’s children. YIKES!
Huh. I avoided volunteering, because I didn’t want to look like I didn’t know what I was doing. And that’s funny, because I didn’t know what I was doing. I was new to this volunteer thing. But why did I care if others knew that? I guess in the end, we all just want to fit in and avoid looking stupid, right? Even as adults.
So I pulled up my big girl pants and decided I’d just give it a whirl. It can’t be that hard, right? After all, the teachers told us that as parents, we’re just there to supervise and keep track of the children. Make sure none wonder off from their group and get lost in the woods.
“The instructors at the environmental center will do all the work and all of the leading,” they said. THEY LIED.
At the end of the day, they expected us, the parents, to lead a group of children into the woods for a game of tag/hide and seek. See? Liars. All of ’em. But I wasn’t that worried, how hard could a game of tag be? All we had to do was use the map they gave us and ensure we stay in bounds.
“If you see horses or cabins, you’ve gone to far,” they said, “but don’t worry, just take the trail back to the in bounds area and continue the game”.
“It will be easy,” they said. THEY LIED.
I got this, I thought, but nonetheless, I joked, “Do you have rescue helicopters at the ready?”
Our group was the first to be released into the woods. Like a pack of wolves chasing prey, the eight kids in our group took off. Fast and far they ran. Eight kids and two chaperones – me and Sally – hoping to find some great hiding places from the other groups. Once we got the head start, we slowed to walk and kept going deeper into the woods, maps in hand to ensure we didn’t get out of bounds. We walked and walked, trying to stay hidden. Until at some point, we saw horses. Then cabins. Uh-oh. We were clearly out of bounds and where we weren’t supposed to be.
“I don’t remember this part of the trail,” said one kid.
I shot a sideways glance at Sally, giving her an Uh-oh look. Now what? So we tried to back track a bit, but had clearly taken a wrong turn somewhere. There were paths all over the place, but they were unmarked. We looked at the map repeatedly, but it didn’t show all the paths that existed. At some point, we realized we were definitely lost. Trying to be the cool, calm and collected chaperones that we were supposed to be, Sally and I tried to lead the kids down another path with confidence. But they were on to us. Darn kids.
“I’m tired,” said one. 
“I sure wish I would’ve brought my water,” said another.
“Do either of you have cell phones, in case we can’t find our way out?”
“I think we might end up in Wisconsin soon.”
This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to chaperone. I mean seriously. I lost a group of kids. In the woods. With a map. I LOST CHILDREN. Other people’s babies. And not even my own. He was smart enough to pick another group.
Now to be fair, we were never in danger of being lost for good. The team of instructors knew we were out there. Some where. And we did eventually find our way back to the group meeting spot. Ten minutes late.
As we approached the meeting spot, I looked back at the kids and said, “Listen, the way I see it? We were the best group, because although we got lost, we found our way back. We had the best adventure of all the groups I bet!”
Sally looked at me and said, “I’m so embarrassed, I don’t want to show my face!”
“We’re gonna own this sister,” I replied, “I bet nobody else got lost and found their way back on their own.” I said this, as if this was a good thing!
“Yeah, we’re gonna OWN it,” said one of the twelve year old girls in our group, “We got this!”
We had made it. Without a helicopter rescue. All children in tact, tired and in need of water perhaps, but all there.
And so, we rounded the corner, arms up in the air all Rocky style, to cheers from all of the UNLOST, MORE EXPERIENCED parent volunteers, teachers and other students.
We were lost, but now were found. Thank you sweet baby Jesus in the woods.
I looked at Noah’s teacher and said, “When we come back here in the Spring? I’m sitting this activity out. You do NOT want me leading children into the woods. We clear?” He laughed. I was serious. I’m sure no other parent wants me leading their precious little babies in the woods. Of course, they may just ban me from these type of volunteer activities in the future. We’ll see.
Anyhoo…the day wasn’t all bad. I got to spend the day with my boy. Even if I may have embarrassed him with my survival NON skills.
Best part? Lunch. Duh. 
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