Commit to Compassion

My life’s not perfect.  Whaaaat?  Yes.  It’s true.  My life is filled with imperfection, pain, unhappiness.  But it’s also filled with blessings, laughter and joy.  My life is rich.  Balanced on both sides of the coin –  the good and the bad.

Some days are harder than others.  Some days it feels like every step I take is uphill, on a rock filled trail, tree roots covering the path, working like they do to trip me up.  Other days, it feels like I’m lounging on a chair, staring out at the beautiful sea, palm trees overhead, warm sun on my face and a salty breeze wrapping around me.  Smooth sailing is what they call that.

I realize that without the obstacle filled trails, it would be harder to appreciate those sun-kissed, beach view days.  But really, it seems at times like I have A LOT more obstacle filled days than necessary.  In fact, it seems like most of us have more of these days than necessary.

We are not alone.

Yet, I’ve realized more often than not, we seem to be in competition with one another about whose day was worse, who holds the most pain, trauma or drama in their life. I don’t know about you, but this isn’t a competition I want to be in!  Why do we feel the need to compete for misery?  And what good does it do us to lie in this place of hardship and heart ache?  Why is our instinct to one up one another in agony, instead of lift up one another in comfort and hope?

Where could we be if we stopped competing for the title Queen of Pain and instead started recognizing that each of us has our own battle to fight, some are worse than others, but each unique to the person going through them?  And do we ever pause to think that while we may believe our pain is worse than theirs, who are we to judge?  It is all relative.  All of it.  Based on who you are and your experiences.

Think back to your years in middle school.  Think of what caused you pain.  Seems pretty minimal to what has likely caused pain in your life since, right?  Relativity.  That’s what we are talking here.

The pain I feel now when my son tries to hurt himself is greater than the pain I felt when my marriage didn’t work.  And that pain was worse than when I had a hard time getting pregnant…and so on.  But you know what?  The pain I feel around my son’s torment is likely not as painful as someone who is nursing their child through inoperable cancer.

In any case, why do we feel it necessary to rank our pain with others?  In some ways, this can be helpful.  It can help provide perspective and remind us that others may be experiencing a pain worse than ours.  But we must choose to look at it this way.  Unfortunately, we often choose to notice someone’s pain and insist on ‘winning’ the battle of the woe.

What if.  What if we stopped and all acknowledged that PAIN IS PAIN.  No matter how deep the cut.  When you are in the middle of feeling pain, do you pause and think, Wow – this paper cut isn’t so bad.  It could be worse, I could’ve lost this finger. Whew.  Now this paper cut doesn’t event hurt!  No.  You think, Sonofabitch! GD paper cut!  Stupid F*&^ing paper!  

PAIN IS PAIN people.  Together, we can stop this madness of competing for misery and instead start committing to compassion.  What would happen if we showed up, really showed up and offered a hand to lift someone up, a smile to brighten their day and a moment to acknowledge their pain.  Not beat it, not judge it.  Acknowledge it.

I’m talking kindness and humanity.  We can do this.

Together, we can Commit to Compassion.  I’m starting today.  Who’s with me?