This is 43

Today I turn 43. A rather un-magical number, really. It doesn’t have the glam and parties that 40 offers up. It’s just another year closer to that hushed term, “mid-life”, (gasp). And it’s still several years before many consider it appropriate to throw another large party.

Forty three. 43. 4-3. No matter which way you write it, it still seems rather, I don’t know…blah.

Except when I realize this. That at 43, I am in the best shape – physically, emotionally and mentally – of my life. At 43, I will be competing in Las Vegas for a Worlds Weight Lifting competition. And…I will be climbing the largest free standing mountain in the world, Mt. Kilimanjaro. Boom.

I guess 43 isn’t so boring and blah after all.

But then, life is what we make it. Right?

This, my friends, is 43:

1. Confidence. I have more of it than I’ve ever had before.
2. Failure. I am okay with it. It’s not a bad thing.
3. Parenting. The hardest and yet most rewarding and amazing thing I’ll EVER do.
4. Capable. I feel more capable than I have in my entire life.
5. Perimenopause. It’s a thing. It’s stupid. End scene.
6. Night sweats. For the love of aging. These are so stupid. And annoying, but part of life.
7. Lines across my face. Tell you the story of who I am. So many stories of where I’ve been…(bonus points if you know the song and which artist sings this).
8. Friendships are loyal and grounded and based not on who you want to be, but who you ARE.
9. Sleep. It does wonders and I love it. But now I’ve reached the ‘woman of a certain age’ season, and it is consistently disrupted. Bless it.
10. Marriage. Divorce. Partnership. It wasn’t the life I planned, but it’s the life I’ve lived. And I’m good with that.
11. Love. It’s the place we all need to lead from. Every day. All the days.
12. Grace. Compassion. Humility. Some of my most favorite attributes in those I want to surround myself with.
13. Vulnerability. Embracing it. The best thing you can do for yourself and for others.
14. My faith. I’m finally practicing it and living it according to my standards and His expectations, not those of others. Such a blessing.
15. Prerogative (not the Bobby Brown song, although it was fly and epitomizes what I’m thinking here) – “…I don’t need permission, Make my own decisions…“.
16. Knowing what my strengths are and owning what’s NOT in my zone and being okay with it.
17. Adventure. I spent the first 42 years of my life a bit scared of it. Now I’m ready to embrace it. Unless it involves some kind of diving, like sky or scuba. Because no. (see number 15 and 16)
18. Fearless. Or fearing less. Or embracing fear and learning to overcome it. However you want to word it. I’m living more in this place and space. And I love it (most days).
19. Recognizing and coming to terms that the ‘Oldies’ station is now playing my music and not my parents’ music. Sweet baby Jesus on the turn table.
20. Proudly wearing the ‘cool mom’ status because I can whip and nae nae, as well as sing along to songs by Fetty Wap, Major Lazer and Omi. (But also owning that it’s only me that thinks I’m a cool mom and my son just throws me the side eye and leaves the room).
21. Remembering that time about five years ago when I was horrified to realize I’d just walked through the halls of the corporate office where I worked, blowing bubbles with my gum – and now laughing and thinking how much I love that girl and her spirit!
22. Walking in a room full of people and either owning it or frantically looking at my phone to appear ‘busy’ and being okay with both. Because I’m a proud Ambivert (look it up).
23. Realizing my life’s choices are mine and mine alone and no one else has to approve of them or understand them.
24. No longer being ashamed of my mistakes and instead recognizing them for what they were and always will be. Life lessons.
25. Family. We’ve only got one set. Embrace and love. Even on the hardest of days.
26. Forgiveness. One of the best gifts in life.
27. Living and loving from a place of positivity. It isn’t always easy, but it’s always better.
28. Energy. Channel it wisely and don’t waste it on people and things that don’t give it back.
29. Karma. Need I say more?
30. Stray hairs. It’s a thing. And it happen after babies and mid-life. Thank the Lord, I’m blonde.
31. Life throws lemons. Juice those babies, add a little sugar and vodka. And that’s what you call perseverance, determination and optimism.
32. Perfection. There’s no such thing and I’m done wasting time trying to embody it.
33. My calling. I may never get paid for it. It may never be my job. But it’s what God placed me here for. And that’s more than good enough for me.
34. All those things that seem like big deals in the moment? Traffic, and spilled coffee. Undone laundry and store bought cookies for bake sales. Unmatched socks and messy homes. None of those matter at death’s doorstep and at the gates of Heaven. None. Get over yourself sister.
35. Middle school parenting. Jesus help me recognize the blessings every day, even when the smell of boy’s deodorant-less armpits surround me and I nearly pass out.
36. Wills. Health Directives. Power of Attorneys. If you haven’t already, it’s time to get that shit in order. Even if you don’t feel old enough for it to matter.
37. Cancer. More of this than I ever wanted to see in my lifetime and more undoubtedly on its way. This bitch will never be welcome in my home, but so be it if it arrives, as a family, we’ll look it straight in its eye and never let it take our spirit.
38. Body Temperature (see number 5). What the eff mid-life? I spent so many years freezing my ass off in buildings. And now? 75% of the time I’m perfectly happy eating my lunch at the local ristorante, in a tank top, without goosebumps. And I haven’t even started the real deal – hot flashes – yet.
39. Speaking my mind. Standing up for myself. And being less worried about ‘upsetting’ someone. It’s taken me a loooooong time to get here. And I’m still not completely comfortable. But I’m making progress – and that’s the best part.
40. Banning the ‘S’ word. Should. As my therapist says, ‘stop shoulding on yourself!’ I’m learning. I’m practicing. And it is incredibly freeing to let that word go.
41. Going to bed before 10pm with no FOMO (fear of missing out). And loving it.
42. Legacy. Whether or not I want to, I’ll leave one. So make it a good one. One that those who love me will be proud of.
43. Life. We’re given only one, but with many chances to make it worthwhile. So go. And do just that today. Make it a life worthwhile living.