Adjusting my Sails

Approximately six months ago, I was watching a story on CNN about climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. In those four minutes, I was struck with an overwhelming feeling I was meant to do that. I was meant to climb that mountain. In the short days that followed, things fell into place, leading me to apply for a trek to the top of that mountain in January of 2016, benefitting the fight against cancer with LIVESTRONG.

A couple of months after applying, I was accepted to be a part of the Survivor Summit team. I excitedly began planning, fundraising, and training. I was determined and filled with a complete sense of confidence about going. Was I nervous? Yes. But I also felt I was called to do it. I had faith in this journey and the plan God had set forth before me.

Last Thursday, while in the midst of a busy day filled with many distractions, I received an email about the Kilimanjaro trip. The subject line read: Survivor Summit Suspended. The trip, the one I felt so called to be a part of. The one I felt so completely certain about, had been suspended until 2017.

I felt disappointed. Bummed out. Worried about letting others down. I’d shared my plans with many, through social media, through my writing and with so many friends and family. They were excited too. I paused my day and prayed. I prayed for continued faith regarding His plan. I prayed for understanding, guidance and clarity. This was something I’d really wanted. This was something I’d been counting on. This was something I was so certain He’d called me to do.

Within minutes I felt more devoted and faithful. I was accepting that the plan is less in my control than His, and really, it always had been.

Just like many times in our lives, the wind doesn’t always blow our way. So we firmly plant our feet, reach for those sails and adjust them to a new course. I many never know why the wind switched directions and the path changed. And that’s okay. Because in reality, perhaps He is the one that changed the course of that wind, and maybe this new direction was actually blowing the way that was best for me, even if it wasn’t the way I planned.

Will I still climb Kilimanjaro at some point? Perhaps. I hope so. But that isn’t for me to know right at this moment.

Because I have my hands full with these sails, looking for a new direction, a new course…hopeful, faithful and excited for where it will lead me.