This Is Where You Bloom

There’s this harmonious space between unhealthy abandon and completely shielding ourselves; closing off our hearts from the love and beauty of this place we call home. I’ve been in both spaces. The place where I throw my heart completely up, out, over and in…ALL IN, unknowing and even uncaring about what it may get back. And then on the other side, the place where I’ve curled up in a ball, making myself as small as I possibly can, covering myself up in a not so invisible force field, closing my heart off completely.

I can’t stay in either place very long. Both spaces are hard to sustain, without finding me knee deep in the muck of expectation and regret. When we’ve been hurt before, we are hesitant to accept the good, the beautiful, and the abundant when it shows up at our door.

Fear and worry creep into the goodness, because of being burned in the past. Previous experiences can’t help but attempt to jump from the back seat to the driver’s seat, hopeful to steer our actions to the safe lane. So we hold back, feel cynical and maybe even a little doomsday about it all. Then there are times we hang out on the opposite side of all this reserve. We get tired of waiting, protecting, hiding and we jump ALL IN, cannonball style, while screaming “FUCK IT!” to the universe. I want to love and I want to be loved, so I’m taking it all. Now. It’s reckless, really. Jumping in the apparent deep end, when we’re not even certain there’s enough water to ensure a soft landing.

And then there’s this magical, beautiful place somewhere between the two, where you protect yourself, lightly. You don’t hide, nor do you jump recklessly. You know you can’t keep from getting hurt, because that’s truly impossible, no matter what we think. But this is the place where you cushion your heart while also letting it grow. You provide it water, giving it a soft place to land while jumping in the deep end. You let the light in, but you also shield it from damaging wind and relentless storms by wrapping it up in some breathable, clear, theoretical fabric called SELF LOVE.

And this is where you bloom. No matter what happens. This is where the beauty is. The green. The blue sky. The whole hearted, deep-rooted beginnings to a life filled with vulnerability, wisdom, strength, courage and the ability to love abundantly.

And there’s nothing better.