“Did she actually look in the mirror and say, ‘Oh, yeah, this looks good’, before she walked out the door?”
“What is she wearing?”
“Someone that size, should NOT be wearing something like that.”
How many times have you heard someone say these statements? Or, how many times, have you actually said any of these? Why do we do this as a society? Why do we feel it is okay to comment on something that really has no bearing, no effect, on our own personal lives? We are so quick to judge and comment, without any real regard for feelings or ownership of the consequence of our statements.
I get it, we have opinions. We have ideals, tastes, thoughts about hair and beauty, fashion and personal hygiene. We watch TV and we judge and comment and share our opinion, even when we’re not asked. We are out and about on our errands, shopping, kid’s activities, and we judge and comment and share our opinions, even when we’re not asked.
At times, we can get downright vicious. Leaning over to a friend and whispering, “Why would she think it is okay to leave the house in that? Does she not see how bad that looks?”
I’m just as guilty of this as the rest. I am not immune. I, too, have made these unkind comments. I would like to think I do this much less than I did in the past. But sometimes, I still make mistakes. I am more aware of it now. Aware of the power of words. Aware of how short, unkind sentences can wield great and vast power, causing harm and sadness to others. I witness this often with my son. I watch and listen as others make comments about him. Most of the time, I think they pay no real attention, provide no real deep thought, prior to the words leaving their mouths. But that doesn’t mean the words hurt any less. Watching the impact these words have on my son and the world he lives in has provided me with a new lens. I don’t always hear the comments made about him, but I know they’re there. And it hurts. It hurts him, and in turn it hurts me.
Viewing the world from a wounded and tattered place provides clarity and a will to live life more compassionately.
What purpose does my comment about someone’s choice of attire, hairstyle, or makeup serve? Does is serve any real and just purpose? Other than to make me feel better about myself? Does it leave the world a more positive place? If not, then why say it. What is the point? Why do I care if someone chooses an outfit that isn’t befitting of my taste? Does it change my day? Cause me harm? Disrupt my life? No. It does none of these. So in fact, there is no worth in sharing my point of view, unless it is to lift the other person up. Unless it is to share positive words and spread kindness.
I have made a choice to practice positive talk. I have made a choice to choose compassion as one of the most important values in this house. And my hope is that through witnessing my actions, my son will also choose to do the same.
Perhaps, if we spent less time judging, and more time loving – we’d all feel a little less shame and discouragement. Perhaps we’d all feel welcome, like we belong.
Perhaps, we’d know we matter. Just as we are, We matter.
We are good enough.
As is.
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