Behind the Scenes of Birthing Day (#26)

It’s okay, don’t let the title scare you.  There won’t be any gross pictures.  Promise.

Today, I’m keeping it light.  And real.  And I’m not holding back. Wait, I don’t really do that anyway, hold back.

Anyhoo – ten years ago today, I had my only child, Noah.  I am an avid reader and my personality is such that I like to know what to expect heading into such a grand thing called pregnancy and parenthood.  During my pregnancy, I read multiple books.  Absorbing all of the details about each of the 40 weeks of pregnancy and all of that, ‘What to Expect‘ stuff.  However, somewhere along the line, I missed a paragraph – or a sentence or two – in any case…I missed something.  And I was caught completely off guard.

Imagine, ten years ago this morning, I’m at the hospital getting prepped by nurses for surgery.  Hospital gown on, monitors attached, etc.  In comes another nurse to do more prep. She has a bowl of water. And a razor.

Ummm…Huh? What’s she going to do with the razor?

Duh.

“Hi, Heather. I’m Nancy.” She must have seen me eyeing the razor. And the bowl. “In order to prep you for your surgery and prep the area for the incision, we need to shave you.”

What the…oh my…are you kidding me? How did I not know this was going to happen?  And how could I be so unprepared?  I don’t typically think of myself as high maintenance, but I do think of myself as prepared. And neat.  And I was neither.  Of course, how would I have prepared anyway? It’s not like I would have been able to see this “nether region” underneath my big belly. Who am I kidding?

Funny thing is, I wasn’t embarrassed that someone else had to do this. I was embarrassed that someone was seeing me in this state of unpreparedness! Gasp!

So I laid there as she prepared the ‘area’ and she says, “So you look familiar, do you live over on Somerfield Lane by chance?”

Whaaaaaat?  Are you kidding me?

“Ummm…yes, I do”.

“I thought so,” she says, “1798, right? I live across the street from you, in the tan house?”

Again.  Are you freaking kidding me? The woman shaving my “nether region” is the neighbor across the street that I haven’t met yet? And this is how I’m meeting her for the first time? What. the. Hell.  How could this possibly happen? And in what universe, does this possibly make sense?

I mean seriously.  I couldn’t make this stuff up.

So any of you pregnant ladies – take it from me.  Keep ‘it’ neat and tidy, if ya know what I’m sayin’, because you just never know who you are going to meet in labor and delivery.

Sheesh.

At least I got a good story out of it.