The Talk (#25)

“Sperm.”

“What did you just say?”

“Sperm”

“Do you even know what that is?”

“Yes.  It fertilizes the egg and creates a baby.  Mommy… grab that book,” pointing at one of his many science books.  I hand him the book, he opens it to a page and points at the crotch of the male drawing,

“The sperm are created here,” he says. 

Noah will be in fifth grade this Fall.  When he was in third grade, I contemplated having ‘the talk’ with him.  He is an intellectual thinker and I expected he likely knew more than I gave him credit for.  Having ‘the talk’ with him didn’t make me nervous at all.  But selfishly, I decided to hold off on it.  I didn’t want to be that mom.  You know, the one that tells her kids the secrets of the universe before the rest of the parents do, spoiling the innocence of children everywhere.

The conversation above?  Well it was initiated by Noah while I was tucking him in bed a couple of months ago.  The rest of it went like this:

“Do you know how the sperm gets to the egg, Noah?”

“Yeah, a man and woman have sex.”

“Oh.  Yes, but do you know what sex is?”

“Yeah.  It is when a man sticks his penis in a woman’s vagina.  Or her butt.”

Whaaaaaaat?  Are you kidding me?  How does he know this?  Why do I find this both horrifying and hysterical at the same time?  Oh. My. God.  I’m a terrible mother.

Stuffing a giggle and trying to keep a straight face, I matter-of-factly say, “Well, yes.  Those are both forms of sex, however a woman can only get pregnant when a man puts his penis in her vagina and the sperm meets with the egg.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Uh, ok.  How old do you think is old enough to have sex?”

“Ummmm…like, 21?”

“Yes, Noah.  21 is a good age.  You are right.”

Whew.

“Noah, do you know what contraception or condoms are?

“Umm, no.  Oh, wait.  Aren’t condoms those things in the vending machines in bars and restaurants and they’re like a glove for your penis?”

“Uh, yes.  That’s a good analogy Noah.  But how do you know this?”

“I just do.”

“It is important to use contraception to prevent a woman from getting pregnant or from diseases.  When a man and woman have sex, bodily fluids are exchanged and if one person has a disease, they can pass it to the other when they are having sex.”

“Oh.  Like Heart Disease?  Or diabetes?”

Oh there he is, my little boy.  With a bit of innocence left in him.  Thank goodness. 

“No, Noah.  There are specific diseases related to having sex.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Well, I think that we covered enough for tonight, it is past your bedtime.”

“Yeah,” giggling, he says, “Ya know Mommy, every now and then – you just need to end the night with a little potty talk.”

Still focused on not wanting to be that mom, I remind Noah that these discussions are good and healthy to have and that he can always talk to me.  However, he shouldn’t be sharing our discussion with the other kids in his class or on the playground.

I’m sure he did.  Let’s just hope it was the part about not having sex until he’s 21.

Doubtful, but hey.  Wishful thinking on my part.