Save the Pumpkins

You guys. This is really getting ridiculous. The viscousness must stop. We need to seriously rethink this holiday and what we do to the selfless, innocent victims.

The pumpkins. The poor pumpkins.

We separate them from their families, name them Jack, carve them, mercilessly scoop out their guts and cook them…and then…WE LIGHT THEIR INSIDES ON FIRE.

Are you kidding me? How did we get here? How did we become so cruel? Torturing these fruits for our own consumption and fun. And then displaying them on our front steps during the month of October for all to see, as if displaying our creative forces on their faces is a respectable and acceptable thing to do. The shame. How dare we?

I am taking a STAND. For the love of all pumpkin seeds, I refuse to fall to the pressure of these Pinterest worthy designs at the cost of the lives of these precious, vine ripened members of the Cucurbitaceae family. And as if the carving itself isn’t bad enough, we buy these cheap pumpkin carving ‘knives’ that break off in their body while using them. The horror. How shallow are we, when we not only separate these beauties from their families, but when doing so, we march into their homes, our families firmly in tow, and we stomp all over their grounds? Trudging along, we pick them up, knock on them to determine how in shape they are, carelessly set them back down. Sometimes we kick them, push them, roll them. All with no regard to their feelings, their needs. Once we pick out our favorites, the ones with the smooth faces and flat bottoms, we place them in our trunks and drive them home. We place them outside until we are ready. And then? We carve, and scoop, and carve and scoop and perform plastic surgery on these lovelies. And then? Again…as if that isn’t enough, we make them take pictures with us and our families! Sad, dejected and depleted of their insides.

We objectify them in pictures. With our children posing next to them.

So I beg you now. SAVE THE PUMPKINS.

And in the process, you will SAVE YOURSELVES. I promise you. The guilt, the sadness, the frustration and the swearing will cease. YOU will be happier. The pumpkins will be happier. And there will be peace.

The beautiful thing is, you can buy imitation pumpkins at your local Target. Seriously. You guys, these things are the best. All you have to do is purchase and plug them in. The really intricate ones require batteries instead of plugging in – as shown in this picture. I have yet to install said batteries in the pumpkin on the left, but you get the point.

The pumpkins are SAVED. And you, my friend are HAPPIER!!!

Join me in saving the pumpkins. If not this year, then make your pledge now for 2015! It’s easy and without cost. Just state your pledge below in the comments.

I thank you. The pumpkins thank you.

THE WORLD THANKS YOU.