On Writing About Mental Illness

Yesterday, the prompt for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) was this: What is the most controversial thing you’ve ever written on your blog? What compelled you to write it? And as per usual, I don’t always write based on the daily prompt, and when I do, it’s not usually on the actual day I was supposed to. Whatever. I’m just doing my thing, when I want to do it.

Anyhoo.

I write about Mental Illness. Often. I don’t generally consider myself a controversial person. Because conflict. I hate conflict. I hate feeling like someone may not like me or approve of me. So often, I avoid controversy and thus conflict. Unless.

Unless I’m really, really passionate about something. Like Mental Illness. Because of this kid, Noah.

The funny thing is, I never really felt like I was writing about a controversial topic when I started writing about Mental Illness. I’m generally a pretty open person with a tendency to overshare. Often. And so when I started writing about Mental Health topics and our personal experience related to them…I started getting feedback and questions from some, that made me realize that others felt the topic was controversial.

I had no clue, really.

At first, I kind of blew off the comments. And then as more came in, I started to defend my choices. The controversy was this, it wasn’t the fact alone that I was writing about mental illness, but the addition that I was writing about my son’s mental illness and our experiences navigating this journey. Because I openly shared our experiences and his name, many felt I was in the wrong for doing so or at least questioned my motives and my choice.

They asked:

Have you thought about how this will impact him? Yes.

Does he know you are writing about him? Yes.

Don’t you think you are invading his right to privacy? Perhaps.

Aren’t you worried about bullying and this information ‘getting out’?  I’m always worried about bullying. 

I realize writing about my son is concerning for many. And I understand why they may question whether or not it is ‘right’ for me to do so. And guess what, I question this ALL OF THE TIME. I am constantly thinking and rethinking what I should share, if I should share it and if I do, to what extent. I am diligent in always exploring all the options. And I know I will make mistakes in the process.

In some instances, perhaps I’ve shared with the naiveté that all people receiving this information will treat it with respect and dignity. And perhaps, in more instances I’ve shared with the intent to mainstream conversations about mental illness at all ages to help eliminate the stigma in doing so.

I would never share that information about my child. Ever. Many have said. And if I did, I would do so anonymously.

I respect that. Really it comes down to this. What might be right for you, may not be right for me. And vice versa. But one thing is for certain in my mind. There is no way we will eliminate, or at a minimum, decrease the stigma attached to mental illness, if we don’t start talking about it. What are we afraid of? The stigma. Why don’t people talk about it. The stigma. What happens when they don’t talk about it. They suffer in silence. And some, take their lives because of it. They feel ashamed and unworthy, broken and not good enough. They feel they won’t be loved or accepted.

We must change this.

And the only way I know how, is to share very real stories about our life, living with mental illness. Because then, people can begin to see that it can happen to anyone and can look very different than how it is portrayed in the media, on TV or in movies (Jack Nicholson in the The Shining). And usually, the more people learn, the more they accept and understand.

It is important for me to note a few things, in more detailed response to those questions above.

First, I routinely ask my son if it is okay that I write about him and what we’ve experienced. To date, he’s never said ‘no’. But the moment he does, I will change how I write about the topic, to respect his privacy. If he asked me to take down posts, I would.

Second, for years, since he was diagnosed with his first ‘disorder’ (ADHD), we have talked often and openly about this being another illness that must be treated. We’ve talked about how taking medication for it is no different than me taking the medication for my heart disease or someone else taking insulin for diabetes. My illness lives in my heart, his illness lives in his brain. And there is NO REASON he should ever feel shame or inadequacy because he has an illness in his brain. It’s really as simple to understand as that. I have worked very hard to help him understand that mental illness is just an illness, like any other. But for some reason, some people feel he should just be able to overcome it. Mind over matter, we’ve been told. Right. Again, does anyone tell this to a child with diabetes or cancer? No.

Third, I’m careful about what I share. Despite what some assume, I don’t share everything. There are many things I’ve never shared here and never will. Because, privacy. This boy has endured more than any child should have to. Period. And I will never cross a line that he or I believe shouldn’t be crossed. So yes, I worry about his privacy all of the time. And that is why I pick and choose what I share.

Fourth, I always worry about bullying. He’s been bullied in the past, and may likely be bullied in the future. He’s always been willing to be his own person, even when it’s hardest. Even when it’s not the coolest. From choosing to cut his hair in a full on mohawk and dye it green, to going to school with camouflage nail polish. HE HAS MADE THOSE CHOICES. And was willing to stand by them. And at times, he was bullied. He’s always been a small kid. He’s been bullied. He’s always had a need to be liked but struggled with friends. And he was bullied. But again, he’s always been willing to stand his ground about things he believed in. And to date, he’s not been bullied because of this blog. Could it happen? Sure. But it could also happen because someone may see him in the middle of a breakdown at school. Or it could’ve happened when other children witnessed him cutting himself at indoor recess. We will do what we need to, should bullying arise from this blog. And we will NOT back down.

Example.

Last Spring, my sweet boy returned to school after spending six weeks in partial hospitalization for self harm and depression. Before he did, we talked with his counselors about what he wanted to tell his friends and other students upon his return. We gave him several examples and made it clear it was HIS choice on what he wanted to say:

• You can tell them you were attending another school for a while (he did get education for part of the day while hospitalized)
• You can tell them you were getting help because you were feeling really sad, a lot of the time, and you were learning new ways to help you through that
• You can tell them you don’t want to talk about it, but you’re happy to be back at school

Ultimately, you know what he did that first day back? Upon walking in and greeting everyone in his class, he announced he’d just spent time at a mental hospital. Yes, he did. And indeed that’s where he was. Interestingly, I’ve never used that term to describe his treatment center, but he’d obviously heard it somewhere. And felt comfortable enough to tell the full truth to his classmates.

And I couldn’t be more proud.