Oh my friends. It’s the New Year! Have you heard? And you know what that means, right? The NEW YOU! The first of January hits and suddenly we’re feeling like we need to radically transform who we are, what we do and how we do it. We make resolutions and plans to transform ourselves into all this newness. Hoping to be what? Twenty pounds lighter, more organized and a parent who no longer yells at our children?
Here’s the thing…we’re just coming off ALL the stress, from ALL the days of the HOLIDAYS. And then we think, why not add more? And so we make crazy resolutions that we’ll go the gym every day, we’ll drink 64 oz. of water every day, we’ll be on time every day, we’ll NOT yell at our kids every day, we’ll (fill in the blank) every damn day. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Listen up my friends…I’m not saying resolutions are bad. I am saying they don’t work for me. But what I’m MOSTLY SAYING (yes I’m yelling, softly and kindly, as if that’s a thing) is this:
Go easy on yourselves. Treat yourself with love and kindness.
It’s okay to make resolutions, as long as you promise yourself Grace in the process.
I don’t make resolutions anymore. They just don’t work for me. I end up feeling like a failure for not following through on the resolutions, rather than a champion for trying. What’s the saying? ‘A’ for effort? No. When I do resolutions, I focus on the ‘F’ for Failure. And how is that any way to start your year? As we approach a new year, I do take some intentional time to reflect on the year we are exiting and decide what I’d like to do more of in the year that we’re entering. Is it that different than a resolution? Not so much. But words matter to me and this seems to make me feel less like an idiot if I don’t follow through on something. And I’m all for feeling less like an idiot. A friend of mine, she sits down and makes a list of promises to herself. Another, she sets a list of intentions.
The point is – we’re all focused more on our intention of trying, than the completion of ALL THE THINGS. And really, I think that’s what’s most important here. Resolutions work for some, if they work for you…keep doing them. If they don’t? Don’t make them. It doesn’t mean you can’t set out to make intentional change in your life.
The other thing is this. New Year’s isn’t the only time in life we have to make changes. We can do it any time. There’s no hard and fast rule on this. I know, how’s that for an a-ha moment! But, New Year’s tends to be a good time for us to focus on this. We’re forced to slow down a bit and every where we turn from about December 30th – January 2nd, every one is talking about change and resolutions and transformation. There’s strength in numbers, so it makes sense that we gravitate to attempt change on this date. After all, when written out, it is 1/1, and we start most things at the number one, don’t we? It is a natural place to begin, to start over, if you will.
Just know this. Change is imperfect. It always has been and always will be. Rarely do we do anything perfectly the first time. So why do we expect perfection of ourselves when we make resolutions on the first of the year? Lovelies, remember…go easy on yourselves, treat yourself with love and kindness. And grace. I guess that’s my point of this whole post. The message I most want to share. The one I most want you to hear.
“Imperfect changes are slow steps of progress wrapped in Grace…
…imperfect progress.”
This is what Lysa TerKeurst writes in her book, Unglued. Read that quote again. Do you see it? IMPERFECT CHANGES ARE STILL CONSIDERED PROGRESS. And that progress is wrapped in Grace. Progress can be imperfect. Holy Hannah and the sweet baby Jesus…why did it take me so long to hear this message?! And thank God I’m hearing it now. Quite literally. Thank God.
Because, I’m not doomed, ready to be exiled, for having a cupcake for breakfast on New Year’s Day. And to be fair, it was Peach Bellini flavored with a pretty little flower made of frosting on top. I mean, I just had to eat it, right? We’re imperfect beings, with imperfect ideas, and imperfect goals and IMPERFECT PROGRESS. And that’s okay.
You are still trying. You are still making progress. And that is what counts.
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This is why, when it comes to making resolutions, I resolve to be more of something — I will work out more, I will be more organized even if that only means I organize a junk drawer and nothing else – it’s more than I did last year so it counts. I don’t want to stress because then I won’t do what I resolve to do. Love the quote!
Jen – I love this, resolving to be ‘more of something’. And sometimes, I also think about things I need to do less, like saying ‘yes’ when I don’t want to. It’s such a journey, isn’t it? One in which we never stop learning. Thank you for sharing your point of view!
Its taken me a few times to perfect some important choices in my life if you know what I mean . Its humbling when you surrender,thats for sure. Maybe cupcakes could be your mental trigger. plus then they serve a vital purpose to a positive attitude ! Just saying………….
I like this idea, that cupcakes are a mental trigger and vital purpose to a positive attitude. This works for me! ha!
You are so right Heather! Why do we make resolutions anyway? I resolved not to make any this year, but I do “aspire” to be more organized (Lord knows I need to be) and drink more water too! Lol. Wishing you a wonderful new year. Great post!
Thank you Kirsten! Aspirations and intentions seem a little more forgiving than resolutions, don’t they? I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit for aspiring and intending. So I’m on a mission to do so, for myself. And accept my imperfections in the process. <3
When in doubt, ALWAYS eat the peach bellini cupcake. This year, I’ve read and thought about so many “let’s just be kind to ourselves” posts and I am so encouraged by it! Each new year it always felt like people want to change this, lose this, stop that and instead this year, I just want to be myself for a change and it enjoy it for once! I will definitely look into Unglued!
Jennifer – It’s refreshing, isn’t it? To accept and BE ourselves? I love to reflect and look to ways I can be more me, and make changes that suit me because I WANT TO. But I’m learning to say ‘No’ to the pressures and expectations of others. Turns out, when you turn 40 – this becomes a little easier. Not a piece of cake (YUM), but easier than in my 20’s and 30’s for sure!
Love this post! It’s so true with resolutions. I actually looked up the term and it essentially means to do or not do something… funny how we choose to do something only to not do it a month later 🙂
What is your Twitter handle? I’d like to share this post and give a shout out !
Thank you! Yes, I like to use more Grace for myself in the process. Progress isn’t done or not done, in my opinion. It’s continuing scale, isn’t it? Thanks for the comment and thank you in advance for sharing! My twitter handle is @lifesadiscoball. 🙂
I think this is really great. Before the year finished I had to force myself to sit down and think about what all I *did* accomplish that year, rather than focus on what I didn’t (which is what I tend to do). When it comes to resolutions, I do still make them, however I spend a lot of time sitting down and thinking about what I want to work on, *why*, and what steps to take to get there. Having a very specific plan and realistic expectations helps me a lot.
Thanks Kelsey! I have the same problem…often focusing on what I didn’t do or what I ‘failed’ at and get pretty hard on myself. I’m certainly trying to be more intentional in how I approach my goals and promises to myself, ensuring I give myself the credit I’m due. But boy is that hard! I love your idea of adding the why and how to get there. Such an important part of the path we often forget! KUDOS to you!