Fighters

Fighters. It’s what we are.

I’ve never really thought of myself as one before. Because we’ve all been through stuff. We all have our troubles, challenges, hardships. There isn’t a single person on this planet that hasn’t. So me making it from one day to the next, doesn’t strike me as anything out of the ordinary. Yet, many people have told me I am one.

A fighter, that is. They’ve commented that I’m strong and courageous and brave.

Who, me? Nooooo.

Until recently, I haven’t really seen that in myself. Instead, I look in the mirror and I see someone who looks tired, needs to lose a few pounds. Someone whose nose is bigger than normal and lips thinner than the ideal. My hair is fine and flat, lacking shine and body. And don’t even get me started about the stupid number on the scale.

I am less than ideal. This is what I see in the mirror. This is what I say to myself.

I am less than.

Let that settle in your mind and heart for a moment.

Do you do the same thing? Do you look in the mirror and see faults and wrongs and not good enoughs? This brings tears to my eyes. Because you guys, we are fighters. We are. Maybe you don’t feel like it, but you are. We’ve been to battle. ALL of us. Every. Single. One. And here we are. Still showing up, every day.

Here’s the thing. It hasn’t been easy for me. If you’ve followed this blog at all, you know this. There have been days…no, months…where I’ve felt like I wasn’t even worthy of the fight. I didn’t have a single drop of strength left. In my head, I was thinking I can’t do this, I don’t have it in me. I am not strong enough.

Yet. I showed up. And that’s still the fight you guys. That is still the battle. Showing up. Sometimes it’s all we can do. Just show up. Battered and bruised, tired and sore, without armor. Feeling like we have no courage left, no strength. But we show up anyway.

You guys, we get credit for this. We do!

And you know what? I’ve learned that when I feel the most depleted, the least ready for the fight…well, that’s when others look at me and think I’m the strongest. I don’t know why. It’s probably all about perspective, right? I’m pretty good at putting on a brave face many days. Smiling when I don’t always feel like it. But mostly, I think they look at me as being strong, or a fighter, simply because I made it. I showed up. Even on the hardest of days.

Finally, I’m starting to give myself some credit for this. It hasn’t been natural for me to see it. But slowly, I’m changing what I see and say to myself when I look in the mirror.

I am NOT less than. And either are you.

I am enough. You are enough.

WE. ARE. ENOUGH.

I am a fighter. I realize this now. I may not always feel like one, but I am none the less. Because I show up.

And you know what? You are too.

Because you are showing up.