Donald Miller describes life turns as those moments in which your life is never the same. Those moments in which you walk through a door you can never walk back through again. They can be a result of someone you met, a place you traveled, something that happened. And regardless of the instigator, this life turn is something that profoundly and forever changes your life for either the positive or the negative. He says that by age 30, most people have experienced 12-15 life turns.
Part of my homework from attending the Storyline conference is naming and defining these life turns. It’s easy to name the positive ones, but the negative ones are a bit more challenging. Because who wants to revisit the most painful or hardship ridden parts of their life? But there’s a point to this exercise and one that makes it worth it. He asked us to write all of our life turns down, circle every negative one and then dig deeper into them by thinking about what came from those experiences. Naming these negative turns and then writing down the blessings that came from them can be incredibly powerful. And it allows us to redefine these moments that have perhaps held us hostage for so many years.
I am in the middle of this process. I’ve written them down. Both the negative and the positive. I’ve circled the negative ones. And I’ve started to define the beauty and blessings that have been given to me through experiencing the negative turns. Sometimes, the blessings can be hard to see. Especially if you’re still close to the painful turn you’re exploring. But with time, and perspective, the blessings become clearer. The resulted growth, wisdom and knowledge more evident.
It is important to note that doing this exercise isn’t about glossing over the those negative and heart breaking times. It isn’t about pretending that they were all good. It isn’t about ignoring the anguish that may have come from them. Rather, it is about acknowledging all of that AND seeing what blessing, learning, and clarity we have gained from it. But it isn’t always easy. And sometimes, it’s hard to find those blessings.
There are some incredibly difficult life turns I’ve experienced that I struggle to see a blessing in. There are two specifically that have left me angry with God. There, I said it. I’m still faith filled. I still believe in the hope and His love. But dammit already, why must a child have to suffer? This I don’t understand. And perhaps never will, until I’m face to face with Him, once I’m home.
I try not to focus on or live in the anger. But I also have to acknowledge it is there. And it’s taken me six years to see it, understand it and name it. Anger at God for allowing my child to be hurt so, so deeply at such a young age.
It isn’t fair. But then there has never been a claim that the life we live, the lives our children live, will be fair.
Frustrating and heart breaking? Yes.
As I visit each of these negative life turns, some of which are still deeply and viscerally hurting, I realize the blessings may be yet to come. And so I seek patience. Something that I must practice, because it was never given to me naturally. For those life turns I’m able to redefine and name the blessings, I’m grateful. I have perspective and I am filled with hope, because I realize there is no life turn I cannot eventually come back from. There is no life turn that will keep me down. There is no life turn so dark that I will not one day find the light.
And so as I walk through these doors of which I can never return, I will do my best to keep looking forward. I will do my best to seek the blessings. I will do my best to see the reconstruction of my heart from the wreckage of my pain. And I will lead with love.
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