Time for the Funny

Time for the Funny.  With a capital F.  Usually a capital F in my book is for something else.  But today?  Today it is for Funny.  F-U-N-N-Y!!!

So here’s the thing.  As you may have guessed from my posts, my life has some stress in it.  And I’m tired of it.  And I’m tired of me.  The last two weeks have been hard.  Really hard.  I’ve found myself in one the lowest places I’ve been in my life.  Full of sadness, stress, anger, frustration…blah, blah, blah.

So you know what that means?  It’s time to find the Funny.  It’s time to get the Funny up in here.  It’s time to GET THE FUN ON.  And when it’s time for Funny, that usually means you are going to get random streams of my consciousness here.  More than usual anyhow.  Okay?  So get ready for random stories that I find funny.  And hopefully you find them funny too.  You may not, but then, this really isn’t about you today, is it?  Today is about me.  Today it’s about bringing myself out of the FUN-k and getting myself in the FUN-ny.  Got it?  So here we go…

Stress Equals Cookies.

Or donuts.  Or candy.  Or cupcakes.  Or chips.  Or…well, you get the picture!  Anyone else have this problem?  Surely, I can’t be the only one.  Right?  When things get hard, my ‘Go To’ is often food.  Recently, my friend Kari and I were texting back and forth about life and its stresses.  We had both separately run across this Facebook post by an author we both enjoy, Elizabeth Gilbert, touting the importance of cookies.  Or something like that anyway.  The point is, it implanted on each of our brains that we needed cookies.  Now.  That would make it all better.  It was a Sunday, so I had time to bake between my football games.  I had already baked apple spice donuts that morning.  After eating almost three donuts (do I get any credit for stopping before 3 whole donuts? I should), the last thing I needed was to bake cookies.  But I wanted them.  No.  Scratch that. Needed them.  It’s my crack.  I own it.  So, I made them.  A batch of chocolate chip cookies.  See them in all their deliciousness?  Near the end of the baking I found myself with a small amount of dough.  Perhaps enough to make two…maybe three more cookies.  So I had a choice.  Throw the baking sheet in the oven with only three cookies on it (what a waste of electricity), wash the extra dough down the drain (what a waste food), or…save it for the emotional emergency I was bound to have in the next day or two (what a brilliant idea).  So that’s what I did.  Stored the little bit of extra dough in a container in the fridge.  But I hid it, under the bags of shredded cheese (another vice – shredded cheese is good on everything), because Hell hath no fury like woman whose cookie dough was stolen!  That’s normal, right?  To hide your extra cookie dough from the rest of the family?  No? Pffft…what do you know!  Anyhoo.  Moral of the story?  The cookies were nummy.  Just what I needed.  And yes, I did have an emotional emergency the next day in which I had to break open the saved cookie dough.  Whew.

Disclaimer: I did ask permission to use the REAL first name of my friend in this story.  See?

Luscious Locks.

We had a good day yesterday, Noah and I.  Check that.  We had a good afternoon. The morning?  It was Hell.  Thus the previously stated potential emotional emergency did take place, and I had to break out the cookie dough after dropping him off at school yesterday morning.  But the afternoon?  Well, it was amazing.  WARNING – THE OTHER ‘F’ WORD IS ABOUT TO BE RELEASED.  It was Fran-Fucking-Tastic.  I’m allowed to use that word.  Because when you have as many suck-ass days as we’ve had around here lately (oops, forgot to warn you about that swear word), a good day deserves a happy expletive, okay?

Anyhoo – I picked up the kid from school and it was the first day in many that he was happy.  Actually H-A-P-P-Y.  Like no weight on his shoulders, no sadness in his eyes, no downturned corners of the mouth.  This kid was authentically joyful. And it was awesome.  We had planned to get his haircut right after school to prep for school pictures tomorrow.  Normally, when it comes time for the appointment, he groans and moans and asks to reschedule.  Instead, while tossing his backpack in the car, he says, “Ready to go get my haircut?”

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?

“Yes. I am.  Let’s Go!”

So we headed off to SportsClips.  He got his hair cut.  After, the stylist says, “Would you like to get a shampoo today?”

“Yes, please,” he answers.  Whaaaaaaat?  He never gets the shampoo.

“And would you like a warm towel as well?”

“Yes, please.”

Shut. The. Front. Door.  He wants the warm towel?  Who is this kid?!

After the shampoo, the stylist dismisses him and as he walks over to me at the register, he says, “There goes all my luscious locks Mom.  Say goodbye.”

Then he heads out the door and calls over his shoulder, “While you’re paying, I’m going to go outside and look at myself in the window and admire my new cut”.

There he is.  There’s my boy, full of charm (and apparently lacking some humility) and hilarity.  I’ve missed him.  He hasn’t been around for some time.  But there he is.  Welcome home buddy, welcome home.  I hope you stick around a while.  Your momma has missed you.