Moms…You Are Enough

Moms…listen up.  You are enough.  Do you hear me?  You…yes, YOU ARE ENOUGH.  And I’m telling you this, as much as I’m telling myself.  Too often, I find myself comparing, measuring, rating myself.  Especially my role as a Mom.  That seems to be one of the roles I doubt most about myself.  And probably because it is the role most precious to me.  It is the part of me that I identify with first.

If someone asked you to describe who you are, would you say that you are a Mom first? And then, if they asked you to describe yourself as a mother, what would you say?  Try it. Right now.  Describe yourself as a mother.  Are the first things you say negative?  Did you start the thought with, ‘I wish I was…’?  I bet many of you did.

Recently, my eleven year old son was invited to a Halloween party by one of his sixth grade classmates – his first boy/girl party.  As I dropped him off at the party, he asked me to stay in the car, to let him go up to the door himself because, “I’m older now,” he said.  So I did. Doubting myself the entire minute it took for him to walk up to the door.  Should I walk up with him, even though he doesn’t want me to, so I can meet the parents?  Or should I let him have this freedom, and trust him?  I doubted my choice of staying in the car, because that’s what I usually do.  I doubt my decisions as a mother.  I doubt my abilities.

While he was at the party, I was chatting with a friend via Facebook and she mentioned that she didn’t let her daughter attend boy/girl parties that young, unless she chaperoned. Crap, I thought, I shouldn’t have let him go.  Not only did I not go up to the door and meet the parents, but perhaps I should’ve insisted on staying at the party! Or perhaps I shouldn’t have let him go at all!

Immediately after her comment about making a different parenting choice than I did, I judged myself.  I compared myself.  And I felt like I wasn’t a good mother.  How does this happen so quickly?  Why must I insist on comparing myself constantly?  And why must I use my friends’ parenting decisions as a gauge on whether or not I’m doing a good job? The vast majority of the time that I compare, I feel like I am the worse parent.  I mean, look at these atrocities:

• I only breast fed for about 5 weeks
• I fed my son baby food from a jar…and it wasn’t homemade
• I used disposable diapers
• My son’s bottles were not BPA Free
• I’ve yelled at my son – many times
• Sometimes, I let him ride his bike without a helmet – and then shortly after, I yell at him for it
• My son only played one season of T-ball and one season of soccer
• I let him play too much Minecraft
• He’s seen PG-13 movies, lots of them, and he’s only 11
• We just started saying a prayer before our meals this year – that’s 10 previous years of unchristian-like behavior, right?  Are we going to Hell now?

See?  Failure as a parent, failure!

At least, that’s what my shameful, smaller self thinks.  But I’m trying to shut that self up.  Because I’ve done my best.  The best I’ve known how to do.  I know I’ll always have some guilt as a parent, but I’m working hard to eliminate the shame.  I’m working hard to think more positively about the things that I do right, no…make that the things that I do with love, for my child.  Things that he appreciates, things that I need to learn to appreciate.

This has been on my mind a lot, this last week.  And then this.  Then I came across this video on Facebook today.  And I cried…and cried…and cried.  Because this, is the very thing that I, and so many mothers do.  When asked to describe ourselves as a Mother, we immediately begin to list all of the things we think we aren’t or wish we were more of.  When will be able to see all of the things we do well instead?  When will we feel comfortable accepting, owning and SPEAKING the things we are good at?  If we listen closely, our children can teach us.  Just like the amazing children in this video taught their beautiful mothers.  Mothers who ARE enough.

Take a few minutes and watch this.  Really listen to what the Mothers are saying.  And then, closely listen to what the children are saying. (Video – Courtesy of faithit.com)

What are you feeling after watching this?  Do you see yourself in one of these mothers?  Do you realize that your child sees more in you, than you see yourself?  Can we agree to all start appreciating ourselves as mothers?  Can we agree to stop comparing ourselves to other moms and using their choices as a judgement on how well we’re doing?  Because we are all different, we are all unique.  One mother’s choice for her family may not be the right choice for ours.  And that’s okay.  It is not only okay, but it is beautiful.  And it is time that we as mothers start accepting the choices we make for our families as the right ones, without comparing them to the choices of others.

Because we are all doing the best that we can.  And in our children’s eyes, we are doing well.  Let’s follow our childrens’ lead and accept ourselves as they accept us.

Love ourselves as much as they love us.  Wouldn’t that be something?

Because…Moms, You Are Enough.